Season 2, Episode 17 Bonus Episode

[00:00:25] This is our bonus episode for Episode 17, The Episode About Crime and Drugs

[00:00:32] And not a lot of hud fucking but you know hud's reminches so obviously I have a boner

[00:00:37] and I'm ready to talk about fucking marrying and killing people in the Star Wars universe

[00:00:42] So yeah we're gonna be doing Fuck Mary Kill today for our bonus episode

[00:00:47] So I hope you guys are excited.

[00:00:49] Remember you can always drop suggestions for Fuck Mary Kill or any of our bonus segments if you want

[00:00:54] to you know just comment wherever you can, YouTube, Spotify, wherever you even DM us on Twitter

[00:01:02] if you want to at Force Unscripted but I've got my three, I'm ready so Fuck Mary Kill

[00:01:08] It's a very gay one.

[00:01:09] Cassian and or Lando Cal Rizion or Han Solo

[00:01:13] Okay, Fuck an Andhor.

[00:01:16] I'm a Mary Lando and I'm a Kill Han

[00:01:18] You feel like that's respectable?

[00:01:19] Lando's got money.

[00:01:21] I'm marrying into that money.

[00:01:23] Han on his own times he loses his own.

[00:01:26] Han has a trash, a trash ship and or he's just a sexy motherfucker

[00:01:30] Han on so you're telling me with you and your manned oboner you wouldn't want the fast

[00:01:35] to ship in the galaxy.

[00:01:36] He lost it for a while.

[00:01:38] Okay, and okay I'm going with the time period where he lost it and he's just flying around

[00:01:43] in a little trash collecting ship.

[00:01:45] Okay, I guess that's fair.

[00:01:46] All right.

[00:01:47] You didn't say time period.

[00:01:48] I didn't.

[00:01:49] I didn't.

[00:01:50] That's fine.

[00:01:50] We'll just assume whatever.

[00:01:53] What it means it's in consequential.

[00:01:56] I see what you're saying.

[00:01:58] All right, so me personally, I'm fucking Lando because every time Lando appears

[00:02:04] in a book and even in like the series,

[00:02:06] like he's just got like that swagger to him, like a very

[00:02:10] dapper individual like he's he's just a he's a beautiful chocolate man,

[00:02:15] much how Samuel L. Jackson was as Mace window just I love beautiful chocolate

[00:02:21] men and of of the three, I'm fucking him.

[00:02:24] I'm fucking the beautiful chocolate man.

[00:02:26] Then I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna marry Han.

[00:02:29] I'm not gonna lie like I'm just gonna marry Han because I like I like

[00:02:35] fast ships.

[00:02:36] I just want to and he's got a fucking like wookie life partner who has a

[00:02:42] life debt to him who's just always around like I can always get cuddles.

[00:02:46] I can always get pet like on the head.

[00:02:49] I can pet his head if he bends over because he's fucking 70 tall like he can

[00:02:54] carry me places, he can go hunt for me.

[00:02:57] Also chewy as a fucking amazing tech.

[00:03:00] So like the benefits like like I get a fucking furry

[00:03:03] butler essentially back in building me shit and hunt for me.

[00:03:07] Yeah, I'm gonna marry Han and I like I love Andor.

[00:03:11] Like like legends Han or like Canon Han.

[00:03:15] Oh, I didn't even think about that distinction.

[00:03:18] Since Cassian is in play, well, I did say legends land of.

[00:03:23] Hmm, I'm gonna go you know what?

[00:03:24] I'm gonna go ahead and say these are the Canon versions if Cassian andor exists.

[00:03:28] Is that what I was about to say if it's legends, you mean you just watched, you know,

[00:03:32] she boxed by a moon.

[00:03:35] Yeah, yeah.

[00:03:36] Yeah, so I'm gonna go with the Canon version.

[00:03:38] So I'm still it's not gonna change my answer at all, but yeah, I'm killing Cassian.

[00:03:43] Like I love the character.

[00:03:44] I love what he went through but like the dude's kind of a dick for most of his life.

[00:03:49] Like only in like the last couple of years as he see like it's right to contribute

[00:03:54] to the greater good even if it means personal sacrifice.

[00:03:57] And like I get Han is the same way but like the the Chubaca in the Han scenario

[00:04:03] is really carrying him.

[00:04:04] I'm gonna be honest with you.

[00:04:05] Chubaca and Millennium Falcon are carrying Han.

[00:04:07] So that's why I would marry him.

[00:04:09] But I would I would have to kill Andor out of those three.

[00:04:12] Hmm, sad probably.

[00:04:14] Mary andor.

[00:04:15] Falcon.

[00:04:15] Kill Andor.

[00:04:16] Why you want to kill the black guy?

[00:04:18] Fucklander.

[00:04:19] But he turned he turned all the motherfuckers in the Vader.

[00:04:22] He had to.

[00:04:23] No, he didn't.

[00:04:24] He could have died like a real man.

[00:04:26] He, Vader was going to trash millions of people on Cloud City.

[00:04:31] All right.

[00:04:32] I would.

[00:04:33] I'd love Vader do that shit.

[00:04:34] If okay.

[00:04:35] I never give up the homies.

[00:04:36] If he okay.

[00:04:38] If the last interaction you had with me was me basically backstabbing you twice in a row.

[00:04:44] And then like when she pulled up and was like, okay, either you turn in the Kater or

[00:04:50] I'm putting a gun to the head of all your homies.

[00:04:54] Which would you do?

[00:04:55] You would turn my ass in.

[00:04:57] Oh, you specifically yeah.

[00:05:00] When she, when she if it was when she in your place probably not.

[00:05:05] Oh, that's fucked up.

[00:05:06] I've known you so much longer.

[00:05:09] Yeah, but you've done a lot more to me.

[00:05:10] What what what have I done to you?

[00:05:13] Would you like to tell the tell the listeners what what have I done to the anguish?

[00:05:18] How anguish is your mental.

[00:05:21] It deteriorates by the day having conversations with you.

[00:05:26] Fuck you.

[00:05:27] He's not even taking perfect response.

[00:05:29] Couldn't instead of better myself.

[00:05:31] I'm still trying to ask him.

[00:05:33] I got I'll go.

[00:05:34] All right.

[00:05:34] So we got Admiral Akbar, Boss NAS and Dexter from Dexter's Diner.

[00:05:41] I thought that was deck is Dexter right.

[00:05:43] Dexter, I thought it was Dexter.

[00:05:45] I'm actually a bit of a fuck.

[00:05:47] I don't know if you're a fucker.

[00:05:48] Rick, they be okay.

[00:05:49] We get pictures in the chat for us.

[00:05:51] Boss NAS, it's Dexter, Jetster.

[00:05:52] It was Dexter.

[00:05:54] I don't know why I thought it was Dexter.

[00:05:56] I'm sorry.

[00:05:57] Oh, Boss NAS is the leader of the the gonggins.

[00:05:59] You know, the big foward.

[00:06:01] And then obviously everybody knows who Akbar is.

[00:06:03] Yeah.

[00:06:04] I know that.

[00:06:05] Can I go first?

[00:06:06] You said you said to be like, for a motherfucker from the Clone Wars.

[00:06:09] I got you.

[00:06:10] Okay.

[00:06:10] So so so I'm marrying Akbar just off principle.

[00:06:14] That motherfucker was badass.

[00:06:16] A good person.

[00:06:18] New his shit up and down forwards, backwards sideways upside down on the cross.

[00:06:23] Like I'm marrying Akbar.

[00:06:25] He's the most respectable out of those three.

[00:06:28] Like that's not to say that Dexter and Boss NAS aren't respectable.

[00:06:32] But he's definitely the most respectable.

[00:06:34] I'm going to have to fuck boss NAS because he's the closest thing to a hut that you can

[00:06:39] chin.

[00:06:40] That's why I think to my new.

[00:06:41] We're going to say that.

[00:06:43] I know he's slimy because he lives under water and he got them frog.

[00:06:48] He got he got big lips.

[00:06:49] So I know he can suck.

[00:06:51] I know he'll give me the suck.

[00:06:53] The like is he's yeah.

[00:06:55] So I'm I'm fucking boss NAS and I'm killing Dexter.

[00:06:59] Like I know he's he's cool because like he runs a diner and he helps out Obi-Wan.

[00:07:05] They go way back but out of the other like the other two he just he gets the shitty

[00:07:11] end of the stick because he's he's he's I don't want to fuck him because you got four

[00:07:15] arms which makes me feel like he would just pick me up and do whatever he wanted to

[00:07:20] me.

[00:07:20] So I could I don't want to fucking like I don't want to be manhandled.

[00:07:23] I would definitely manhandled something like like a fucking clocky and monkey lizard or a

[00:07:29] a poured like I don't mind manhandling something.

[00:07:32] I don't want to be manhandled.

[00:07:34] So yeah, I'm in a Mary act bar fuck boss NAS and killed Dexter.

[00:07:38] I think I think it's respectable but mine were Mary and Dexter because that motherfucker

[00:07:44] you know his his diner was fucking bust in all right so that means that's what I was

[00:07:50] going to say like.

[00:07:51] Man's gonna look like a.

[00:07:53] I can't believe the guy who's so food like focused in life didn't marry the guy who

[00:08:00] can look.

[00:08:01] Yeah, my chicken stronger than my stomach.

[00:08:05] I'd probably fuck the other two are kind of thoughts of kill the gungin.

[00:08:11] Mary Mary.

[00:08:13] Admiral.

[00:08:13] It's fuck.

[00:08:14] Because you're a.

[00:08:15] Yes.

[00:08:16] See you also like it's slimy because that's another water person.

[00:08:20] I'm killing the gungin.

[00:08:22] I know but Akbar is also slimy he's a water.

[00:08:25] Yeah, but he has to be a voice.

[00:08:28] Yeah, but he's in more of like an ocean so you know there's like salt and everything like

[00:08:31] gungins are there in a swamp.

[00:08:33] What's that salty?

[00:08:35] Why do they call it swamp?

[00:08:37] I'm saying that swamp's are going to be a lot grosser than fucking in ocean.

[00:08:42] So me I also ain't gonna marry that because the man can cook.

[00:08:47] I'm trying to eat and I'm fucking kill Akbar because I can't with the fucking eyeballs man.

[00:08:52] I just can do it and I'll fuck boss.

[00:08:56] It's alright.

[00:08:56] He can do this is do his little stupid hand movements with his little stupid ass voice and I'll just laugh at him all the time.

[00:09:03] Bro, I was thinking about like think about like how the pillow talk will sound like me.

[00:09:09] I'm just gonna put it in your ass.

[00:09:11] Like I fucking love that.

[00:09:12] It's a wild stagly sign.

[00:09:16] Me so put it in now like yes.

[00:09:19] He said don't think so.

[00:09:22] He had a deeper gungin voice though.

[00:09:24] Yeah, he did.

[00:09:25] He's a nice.

[00:09:28] Like yes.

[00:09:30] Give me socks sock.

[00:09:31] Of course.

[00:09:33] We so make you bombad.

[00:09:37] Bombads are the top.

[00:09:38] Yeah.

[00:09:41] Cal notca.

[00:09:42] I don't know if I can butcher this motherfuckers name.

[00:09:47] So rat in the top.

[00:09:49] Alright, I don't know who the fuck that is.

[00:09:50] Yeah, let me give it a picture.

[00:09:52] Oh, the fucking this dude.

[00:09:54] Yeah, that's funny from the fucking outlaws game too.

[00:09:59] Oh, oh he's a solestine.

[00:10:01] So it's him, Cal notca.

[00:10:03] Cal notca.

[00:10:04] I like how you said everybody's favorite.

[00:10:06] Wookie Jedi, but everybody's favorite is lowbaka.

[00:10:09] Thank you very much.

[00:10:10] Every legend's fan is lowbaka.

[00:10:12] Yeah, I don't know if the fuck that is.

[00:10:14] She's a fucking movie.

[00:10:15] That doesn't help me.

[00:10:17] I think I didn't.

[00:10:17] I don't know if I didn't know true we had enough of you.

[00:10:20] I can't in.

[00:10:21] I don't know if he.

[00:10:26] Okay, true. I'll give him number two.

[00:10:28] Give him number two.

[00:10:29] But number one is lowbaka number one is lowbaka number three is Cal notca.

[00:10:34] Okay, I feel like yeah, I also feel like, I don't know this is pretty telegraphy.

[00:10:40] I bet all of you can guess what I'm going to say.

[00:10:43] He's going to marry the wookie and he's going to fuck Kyle Katan and he's going to kill the solest.

[00:10:50] I mean, I'm not saying you're right.

[00:10:52] But you're right.

[00:10:55] Give us your reasons. Come on.

[00:10:57] Well, okay. Like marry the wookie because again, hunting.

[00:11:01] The carpet hunting. Yes, cuddling.

[00:11:05] Like I'll deal with the years of carpet burn and I'll care but also like tremendously fucking vigorous sex.

[00:11:13] And then like Cal Katan like he's Jedi so he can play with me with the force.

[00:11:18] He was also dark side for a bit too. So he I know he knows some freaky shit.

[00:11:22] Because everyone on the dark side is a little freaky. And then yeah, this fucking solace like face flaps one eye shit fuck that guy fucking gun to your head bow.

[00:11:33] This was not fair.

[00:11:34] This was two telegraphs.

[00:11:37] I like I don't even want it but like I got to marry the fucking wookie too because like I'm not going to marry or fuck the solace.

[00:11:45] And then I got a fuck Kyle, but also he has the same name as my dad. So that's fucking weird.

[00:11:53] Yeah, you fuck a Kyle.

[00:11:56] I just don't like to call me Kyle all the time.

[00:11:59] I know what else is the name though, like Seroton what, like,

[00:12:03] The wookie don't even look good. The fucking the fucking Jedi braid grows and fucking hurt grow some fucking door.

[00:12:11] Look so bad.

[00:12:13] Kyle, not gonna be a rep in that shit.

[00:12:16] Kyle, not gonna looks like a mix between a wookie and a wookie and whatever he had he Monday is.

[00:12:23] Seroton.

[00:12:24] Yeah, that like fucking fife, man.

[00:12:29] This fucking fife, that's just the top of his head.

[00:12:38] Bro, why are you shaving like that?

[00:12:40] Not all I'm saying is all that fur is gotta be hot on the inside.

[00:12:46] I like to be warm. I'll never go cold no matter how like,

[00:12:52] Agreediously cold the winter is.

[00:12:54] Bro, if a wookie looked at me like that face that Kyle not cause making in that image,

[00:12:57] I would be feared for my life and not because I was afraid of dying.

[00:13:01] I'm afraid of getting fucked.

[00:13:03] I'm not. See, like, I look at that and I like yes, I'm a little terrified,

[00:13:08] but also horny at the same time.

[00:13:10] Kyle not cause like the movie, but it's like,

[00:13:13] And you're like, ah, he did not again.

[00:13:16] Look at fucking calcatons picture on the Wikipedia.

[00:13:20] Yeah, he looked okay.

[00:13:22] Why we gave him a random actor, but

[00:13:24] Yeah, I was gonna, I wonder where that picture is from.

[00:13:28] All the comic images of him look better.

[00:13:31] Even the video game, maybe just a little problem.

[00:13:35] Like what the fuck is this halfway down the fucking page?

[00:13:40] We win this episode.

[00:13:42] We know the fucking page.

[00:13:44] I don't know where this came from.

[00:13:46] It's like how cestus makes with a comic.

[00:13:49] He's gotta be like, hey, I generated her from shit.

[00:13:51] He looks like the guy who was so UKed, but half of its flower.

[00:13:56] And this one he looks like the rack dude from Harry Potter.

[00:14:00] That's the same face I made.

[00:14:02] Wormtail, time I jack off and the lotion came out.

[00:14:06] So Marion Calnaca cause Wookiees resource will fuck.

[00:14:10] Warm is hell, you ain't never got to worry about no blanket in the later time.

[00:14:14] And you have a wookie bone or anyway.

[00:14:16] Oh, I'll only chat. I won't give a shit about.

[00:14:18] I can talk about it.

[00:14:18] Well, ain't this a Jedi wookie?

[00:14:20] Yeah, you go and fuck him.

[00:14:25] You'll see how the relationship goes.

[00:14:27] There's plenty of married people that don't fuck.

[00:14:30] Probably have to kill the fucking face flaps, motherfucker.

[00:14:35] Yeah, fuck, calcadarne.

[00:14:37] Wow, do we have the same answer for once?

[00:14:39] I think so.

[00:14:40] Well, did we all have the same answer?

[00:14:42] Yeah, because it was it was it was easy one.

[00:14:45] That's no choice because one of the choices is just so fucking far right.

[00:14:50] You just you have to kill that one dude and then it's like, okay, do you marry the fucking

[00:14:56] the Jedi dude?

[00:14:58] Yeah, I was just randomly looking through Wikipedia just on random links and those are the three characters that popped up.

[00:15:02] I just feel like with a wookie, you can't just fuck, you can't just hit it and quit it with a wookie.

[00:15:08] Because I feel like either they're going to fucking kill you for like emotionally abusing them by crossing like species lines

[00:15:16] To just fuck them and bail.

[00:15:18] So I feel like, I don't know, I feel like you kind of got to fuck the wookie.

[00:15:22] You be married the wookie.

[00:15:23] I mean, marry the wookie, I'm sorry.

[00:15:25] You also got to fuck the wookie if you're married exotic.

[00:15:28] You don't got to. You got to.

[00:15:30] You got to. You got to.

[00:15:31] You got to.

[00:15:33] Then what's the point of having a fuck marry kill? You should just have married kill kill like.

[00:15:38] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:15:40] I'm also okay with this option.

[00:15:43] Fuck, it's like fuck fuck kill. Like what's the difference?

[00:15:46] Because marrying, I feel like implies fucking but also living with the person and coexisting.

[00:15:52] With someone you fuck, you have to co exist with someone you fuck either.

[00:15:56] You might as well just make the segment. Who would you rather have a one night stand with?

[00:16:01] There you go.

[00:16:02] I mean, isn't that basically what fuck marry kill is?

[00:16:06] Yes, which is why it's like why we do it marrying and all exactly.

[00:16:11] That's true.

[00:16:13] Bric 3 p.m. Did you have three?

[00:16:19] Okay, so bricks are orcing,

[00:16:23] mirage, central or a size of interest. I don't know who mirage, central is though.

[00:16:28] Oh, damn. I do.

[00:16:30] This was kind of hard. Oh, she was like.

[00:16:33] She was a monarch, right?

[00:16:36] Yeah, that fucking cat like species that all their guards had whips made Anakin of slave again.

[00:16:42] Okay, okay, I know what I'm going with.

[00:16:45] Sorry.

[00:16:46] So I'm a, I'm a kill arcing saying about that. I like hair and I'm a married the cat lady because you know, fucking is implied.

[00:16:56] I'm a fuck, I'm a fuck a size of interest but I'm talking bad batch of size of interest.

[00:17:01] My answer is the same. Like I'm killing arcing because she's just too pale and that little hair not thing.

[00:17:09] I'd rather you just be bald or have full hair, not like some weird in between where it's all tied up in a fucking ugly ass ponytail.

[00:17:16] I'm marrying the queen because it's a queen and it's also it's it's the pussy of a pussy so that's that's pussy squared.

[00:17:24] I love that and I know I'm going to be taken care of because she's a queen. So I ain't got to be poor.

[00:17:30] And then yeah, I'm fucking honestly even if we're talking about 2D microseries, I'm fucking any iteration of a size of interest.

[00:17:37] That's a bald dark side bitch. That's extra freaky. Hell yeah.

[00:17:41] You're going to get that plunger and stick it on her head.

[00:17:45] Have I made that joke before or are you just, yeah, you've made it before but not on the podcast.

[00:17:51] I don't think.

[00:17:52] Not fucking yes, absolutely because like think about it. Like you can't grab the hair. So like when you hit me from the back you just fucking plunger that shit and you got good grip.

[00:18:00] All right, obviously Mary Mirage.

[00:18:03] I think I'm going to have to kill the size of ventrists just because I think if you one night stand to size ventrists you get fucked up like ain't no shot she ain't gonna hold a grudge.

[00:18:13] And I would fuck our thing because it'll be a lot easier to get away from our thing than a size ventrist.

[00:18:20] They both forced users and one of them's a bounty hunter. I don't know technically go away from our bounty hunters.

[00:18:25] Yeah, if you it'd be easier to get away from our thing because you'll probably like you'll probably die a quick death.

[00:18:31] She'll probably just like in like be like fucking five blocks away just like and plink your ass.

[00:18:37] But I was ventrist. She probably gonna torture you.

[00:18:39] Yeah, that's fair.

[00:18:41] Yeah, our thing was just fucking dumb. You won't even know you dead until you dead.

[00:18:45] Yeah, ventrists should make you, you shall make you know.

[00:18:49] I guess I can see that but I just feel like the I feel like this the like just the sex with a massage will be worth death.

[00:18:57] Honestly, but it would put it would be worth a slow painful death.

[00:19:01] Yes, because I'll make sure I slowly and painfully come. Well, okay, I don't know about the painfully part.

[00:19:06] She's right to be like with pain.

[00:19:09] I need to go to a doctor like if you want to take a that check down for us.

[00:19:14] Don't don't don't make fun of my tubes like that.

[00:19:16] Okay, if it burn a little bit, that's just spicy.

[00:19:18] What was that again?

[00:19:25] Sorry guys, thank you so much for tuning in to the bonus episode for our crime episode.

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[00:20:24] But until next time, peace out Girl Scouts may the force be with you and we'll catch you on the next one.

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[00:20:35] Can you recite that part? Sorry.

[00:20:39] We also have a contact us page.

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[00:21:04] Now he doesn't want to say anything.

[00:21:06] I was away till we were ended.

[00:21:08] Go, you normally say like have a good one every one or something.

[00:21:11] I did after you.

[00:21:14] That's why I was saying that's why I had a winchie repeat because you guys were talking every each other.

[00:21:18] Bye.

[00:21:20] I literally said it before when she even started talking.

[00:21:23] Okay, well say it again.

[00:21:25] God, I hated here.

[00:21:32] This is fucking a bit.